Falling

The numbers keep falling, imperceptibly slow. This morning I weighed 156.7. This is the first the numbers have fallen below 157. I wish I had continued weight loss this summer, but I can't pretend to feel badly about it when I know I didn't work out or eat in a particularly conscientious matter.

This Thursday I went to a Zumba class that used to maintain anywhere from 80-120 people -- familiar faces that came week after week.
This week it was down to 18. I know that there have been cancellations due to the extremely hot weather in interest of safety, but I find it disheartening that so many have stopped coming. I don't want to judge anyone else's commitment. It's selfish that I want them there -- they are the laughing, smiling faces that indirectly held me accountable for going consistently. They are the onces that complimented my booty roll and noticed my absence. Their absence, ironically, is probably one of the few small things that keeps me going. I don't want to attribute my failure to them. I started going to Zumba back in October of 2009 and have gone at least once a week, every week, since then only missing on occasion due to sickness.
I am sad to say I've missed a number of weeks this summer due to poverty and sickness, but I am still committed to going. Without it I wouldn't have lost 35 pounds.

That doesn't mean it's not frustrating to think that it is now taking me weeks to lose weight I so easily shed in the beginning. I am supposed to celebrate success, however small, right?

I am going to make waffles tomorrow.

Miracle of Miracles: Cheap Weight Loss!

Miracle of miracles! I have lost more weight. So much weight, in fact, that when people see me they say, "YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD" and "HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT."

Ah yes. The last time I wrote I weighed in at 159.7. Now brace yourselves. This morning when I weighed myself, I weighed: 158.5. I will give you a minute to regain your composure.

One month = one pound? I hope this isn't the continuing trend. In all fairness I haven't been going to Zumba 3 times a week. Lately I've been lucky to get there once a week.

I killed a pair of shoes I usually wear to exercise. May they rest in peace. Being broke doesn't help matters. Do I spend my money on a new pair of shoes? Or do I spend it exercising?
I can't complain about the cost of Zumba - in bigger cities, it costs $15 a class or more. $4 or $5 isn't a fortune. But when you have $0, it doesn't matter how cheap it is.

I would be lying if I said I haven't gotten a little apathetic. Working out 2x a week (I am counting housework/swimming here) to only lose 1 pound in a month is a little disheartening. I am still doing it, I'm just not overly enthusiastic.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more exciting to report. In less than 3 weeks I'll be back to work and then I'll see how much fun it will be to try to maintain this weight loss. I am excited to buy some new, smaller sized clothes. I just need to figure out how to do that with no money. For now, I'm wearing the emperor's new clothes.

Breaking into the '50s.

Just wanted to write a note about breaking into the '50's. And I'm not talking about poodle skirts.

On Saturday when I weighed myself, I weighed 159.7lbs. I figured that was in error, but today I weighed the same.

I feel ecstatic, but desperate. It makes me think "I HAVE TO STAY IN THE 50's". In my mind this was the most realistically achievable goal. Do I really believe I will make it down into the 140 range? No. I just don't think my body will cooperate with me on that one. Am I still going to try? Yes. If for no other reason than to stay in the 150 range.

I just don't want to go back up. I don't care if I keep going down. At one point I was absolutely resigned to staying at 160. Hey, if that was as good as it got, that was as good as it got.

I have missed almost 2 weeks of working out. It's not deliberate and it's not laziness, I was just out of town. On my lengthy road trip all I ate was junk. I really didn't eat much of anything to be honest. Cereal, crackers, cheddar cheese and some Waffle House. There, I said it, Waffle House.
Imagine my shock then at being 159 after the trip.

I want to go to Zumba tomorrow night and hopefully Thursday.

The other factor to consider is that I am off work for the summer. It is not good for me to spend lots of time alone. It is not good to be broke. I spend the majority of my time then agonizing about being broke, not wanting to be fat, not eating, and the amazing amount of stuff I have to do. I want to clean, I want to de-clutter, I want to organize. When faced with all of that exercising seems a low priority. And yet without exercise I have had a very difficult time focusing. Sunday night I was crying because I was so tense. This is not me. I am not a crier.

At this point I have lost 32.7 pounds. It seems impossible. I am in a size 10 now. I feel like I don't even know how to act.

So that's where I am at. I am still skeptical about really being in the 50's. We'll give it another week and see what happens.

point 1

This week, the scale said 160. Point 1. 160.1.

I love it. Just haaaaave to stick that point 1 in there.

My sort of goal is to be 160 or 159 by June 1. Will I be? I don't know.

Ultimately I want to be 142 again. This is what the doctor says I should weigh. This is also what I weighed when I was in the best shape of my life.
Before I went to college I worked in a factory. I weighed 136 pounds when I started there. When I went to have my physical before college, I weighed 142. I was actually much thinner at 142 than I was at 136 (and yes these weights were both from the same scale).

I weighed 158 in 2005 when I found out I was pregnant. I am now 2 pounds away from that point where I was pre-baby 5 years ago. Of course I have been back and forth in the years in between -- from 153 all the way up to 192.

This is the first I've exercised consistently in my life (apart from many years ago when I was an active equestrian. AHEM. Debu-chan). I have been going at least once a week for 8 months to Zumba and sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. Right now my husband is knocking me back from 3x a week to 2x a week so he will have time at night to get stuff done. Who knows how that will work out over the summer.

I am surprised that I continue to lose despite my job feeding me every day. It's not that they feed me bad food, but that I tend to eat more if it is prepared for me than I do if I prepare it myself. I am however able to stop myself if the cook dishes out a portion. This woman's ladle is the size of a 5 gallon bucket. I swear it!

I am at the point where people are telling me I look like I have lost weight. I mean random, unsolicited people are telling me that I look like I have lost weight. It is shocking every time I hear it. There is finally a visible difference.

The only thing making me nervous is the amount of free time I will have to myself this summer with having the next few weeks off work. My last official day is Wednesday. That is the day where I jump off the diving board into the sea of the great fat unknown.

Believe it

Yesterday morning I got on the scale.

It said 164.0.

I'm sorry, you may not have heard that.

IT SAID 164.0

Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

Am I still fat? Yes. No revelation there. (I started this post over a month ago... read on)

This morning I weighed 169.1. With regard to being fat or not (still), I have to gloat for a minute. Near where I live, there is a county-wide weight loss competition. I am on a team with three other awesome girls. There are about 500 people participating in this event divided up into 66 teams. Our team is in the lead. We have lost 3.86 percent of our body weight. I hope the lard in my arse doesn't let them down and I hope we win that competition. We go to Zumba together and try to go to the weekly presentations. How awesome is that? In other news, I ditched the 8 hour per week "job."

So. To finish this thought. Now that it is almost May. AHEM.

While our group didn't end up winning, we did finish in 3rd place. Pretty awesome for 4 people who weren't psychotically dieting and using diuretics and laxatives to cheat. We just worked out and tried to eat responsibly. It ended 3 weeks ago and I still weigh 167 pounds.

There is not enough I can say about my new job. It is fantastic. I love it. They are good to me. They pay is fair and the hours are great, and I have summers off. And, there is a cafeteria so I don't have to make or even buy any food.

Just a few problems.

Have I mentioned the job is great?
It is. I'm not super-stressed out, or bored. So I don't feel like working out. Or doing much of anything.
Have I mentioned the cafeteria?
I am pretty lazy. If I have to make my own food or go get food (in the limited amount of time allotted for a work-lunch) I either won't go get any or I will only make a little bit - whatever requires the least bit of effort. But.
There is a cafeteria. The food is pretty good. And when I go for "leftovers" (clients eat before staff) I can serve myself whatever I want.

You might as well give me a backhoe to scoop up the food.
It's instant gratification. I walk in, I smell it, grab a bowl or plate and fill it to overflowing. And voila, lunch. I have enough time to eat all of that, and then if I feel like more get even more.
If I had to make myself ramen noodles or something, in the time it would take me to make and eat 1, I wouldn't have enough time left to make another if I wanted it. It balances out.

The bad thing about the job is I have to wear civilized clothes. Of which I have few. I am in between sizes and everything I wear either makes me look like a hotdog in the microwave about to explode or a highschooler dressing up in her mother's clothes as a joke.

I am not gaining left and right. I go up 1/2 pound or 1 pound, then back. Up. Back.
I've just felt the slow inevitable comfort setting in and complacency abounds. I've had to really drag myself to Zumba. It's easier to tell myself that I'm too busy or too tired or I'll go tomorrow. I haven't missed a lot. But that thought is already in my brain. "It's ok."

We also got a Wii. It's pretty fun. I'm not obsessed or skipping meals/shower/sleep to play it, but it is fun. The premise of the whole Wii thing was to get a Wii fit. But because everyone in the entire universe took their tax refund and bought a Wii, and then a back-up Wii in case the 1st one broke, there were no Wii-fits available.
So, a month later, and we still don't have a Wii-fit.
We do, however, have Wii and watch Netflix streaming on it. So I think that counteracts any benefit from Wii-related physical activities.

At any rate, I don't think I'm any further ahead or any further behind. I'm still here.
We'll see what happens when summer rolls around and I have nothing to do and all day to do it. Plus, we're getting a pool. Time to start moo-moo shopping now before they are all picked over.

Waffle Kryptonite

I told Debu-chan this must be what it is like to be possessed by the devil.

This morning when I woke up I was starving for waffles. It was a sub-conscious thing. Before I could put my feet on the floor or get dressed, I was starving for waffles. I knew I was going to make them - there wasn't even a question in my mind.

It is like those movies were people are programmed to do something and they receive a subliminal message through tv an BOOM, they turn into robots following every command.

WAFFLES.

I felt like a zombie chanting, brains, brains, and methodically weighed myself, got dressed and went to the kitchen.

The scale said 169.8 this morning. This has to be the first time I have stayed under 170 for more than 2 consecutive days. Did the scale cause me to waffle? No.

4 cups of Bisquick, 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 eggs and 2 1/2 cups of milk later (yes I made a double-batch) and I was in waffle world.
I'm not sure you understand how I feel about waffles.
I am not the kind of person that would ever invest my time or money in climbing Mt. Everest or bungee jumping. I just don't have the initiative or the drive to engage in such things that are so far outside day to day routines.
However - tell me there is a buffet with the best waffles at the top, and I'll be there. You're not sure if the bungee strap will hold? Doesn't matter. Are there waffles at the bottom? Hook me up.

I don't want your run of the mill Belgium waffles you get at crappy diners. I want flat, square waffles fresh off the waffle iron. Most times I don't even eat waffles with anything on them. Just fresh hot off the iron. If it's barely cool enough to touch, you bet it is warm enough to eat. I can't tell you how many waffles I eat before I'm done cooking. I don't care. I would probably stick-up an old lady if it meant waffles.

Just because I don't eat waffles with anything on them most of the time doesn't mean I WON'T eat waffles with a topping. On the contrary. What do you want me to eat on waffles? Fruit? Jelly? Syrup? Fruit syrup? Butter? Cinnamon and sugar? What about gravy? Gravy and chicken? Stuffing? Mashed potatoes? Are you daring me? I'll do it.

I am pretty sure I would pass up free caviar and champagne for a $100 waffle. It is a serious problem. I think it started yesterday when I was hungry for something for lunch and decided to make pancakes (just add water) instead of going to the trouble of making a salad. I think a few pancake batter molecules became airborne and crossed the blood-brain barrier, therefore inspiring my current waffle obsession.

So this morning we have established that my scale is defenseless against my waffle problem. Waffles are truly my kryptonite. Yes I may weigh 170+ tomorrow, but I can't be held responsible. It was the waffle.