Saturday, March 6, 2010

Waffle Kryptonite


I told Debu-chan this must be what it is like to be possessed by the devil.

This morning when I woke up I was starving for waffles. It was a sub-conscious thing. Before I could put my feet on the floor or get dressed, I was starving for waffles. I knew I was going to make them - there wasn't even a question in my mind.

It is like those movies were people are programmed to do something and they receive a subliminal message through tv an BOOM, they turn into robots following every command.

WAFFLES.

I felt like a zombie chanting, brains, brains, and methodically weighed myself, got dressed and went to the kitchen.

The scale said 169.8 this morning. This has to be the first time I have stayed under 170 for more than 2 consecutive days. Did the scale cause me to waffle? No.

4 cups of Bisquick, 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 eggs and 2 1/2 cups of milk later (yes I made a double-batch) and I was in waffle world.
I'm not sure you understand how I feel about waffles.
I am not the kind of person that would ever invest my time or money in climbing Mt. Everest or bungee jumping. I just don't have the initiative or the drive to engage in such things that are so far outside day to day routines.
However - tell me there is a buffet with the best waffles at the top, and I'll be there. You're not sure if the bungee strap will hold? Doesn't matter. Are there waffles at the bottom? Hook me up.

I don't want your run of the mill Belgium waffles you get at crappy diners. I want flat, square waffles fresh off the waffle iron. Most times I don't even eat waffles with anything on them. Just fresh hot off the iron. If it's barely cool enough to touch, you bet it is warm enough to eat. I can't tell you how many waffles I eat before I'm done cooking. I don't care. I would probably stick-up an old lady if it meant waffles.

Just because I don't eat waffles with anything on them most of the time doesn't mean I WON'T eat waffles with a topping. On the contrary. What do you want me to eat on waffles? Fruit? Jelly? Syrup? Fruit syrup? Butter? Cinnamon and sugar? What about gravy? Gravy and chicken? Stuffing? Mashed potatoes? Are you daring me? I'll do it.

I am pretty sure I would pass up free caviar and champagne for a $100 waffle. It is a serious problem. I think it started yesterday when I was hungry for something for lunch and decided to make pancakes (just add water) instead of going to the trouble of making a salad. I think a few pancake batter molecules became airborne and crossed the blood-brain barrier, therefore inspiring my current waffle obsession.

So this morning we have established that my scale is defenseless against my waffle problem. Waffles are truly my kryptonite. Yes I may weigh 170+ tomorrow, but I can't be held responsible. It was the waffle.

3 comments:

  1. My obsession usually comes in the guise of a baked good of some sort. It doesn't have to be waffles... there are these pre-made hotcake sandwich things at grocery stores in Japan that have either margarine and honey or margarine and maple syrup smashed between two little pancakes. And there are TWO sandwiches in a baggie. They are less than 100 yen ($1). WHO CAN SAY NO?

    Leggo my Eggo, bitches.

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  2. Considering the Eggo deprivation you endure on a daily basis, I would gladly let you go in front of me all the way up Mt. Everest for an Eggo. Just leave one for me.

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  3. This very much reminds me of my ranch dressing addiction. I eat it with just about everything. I'm surprised I don't bleed it.

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