Breaking into the '50s.

Just wanted to write a note about breaking into the '50's. And I'm not talking about poodle skirts.

On Saturday when I weighed myself, I weighed 159.7lbs. I figured that was in error, but today I weighed the same.

I feel ecstatic, but desperate. It makes me think "I HAVE TO STAY IN THE 50's". In my mind this was the most realistically achievable goal. Do I really believe I will make it down into the 140 range? No. I just don't think my body will cooperate with me on that one. Am I still going to try? Yes. If for no other reason than to stay in the 150 range.

I just don't want to go back up. I don't care if I keep going down. At one point I was absolutely resigned to staying at 160. Hey, if that was as good as it got, that was as good as it got.

I have missed almost 2 weeks of working out. It's not deliberate and it's not laziness, I was just out of town. On my lengthy road trip all I ate was junk. I really didn't eat much of anything to be honest. Cereal, crackers, cheddar cheese and some Waffle House. There, I said it, Waffle House.
Imagine my shock then at being 159 after the trip.

I want to go to Zumba tomorrow night and hopefully Thursday.

The other factor to consider is that I am off work for the summer. It is not good for me to spend lots of time alone. It is not good to be broke. I spend the majority of my time then agonizing about being broke, not wanting to be fat, not eating, and the amazing amount of stuff I have to do. I want to clean, I want to de-clutter, I want to organize. When faced with all of that exercising seems a low priority. And yet without exercise I have had a very difficult time focusing. Sunday night I was crying because I was so tense. This is not me. I am not a crier.

At this point I have lost 32.7 pounds. It seems impossible. I am in a size 10 now. I feel like I don't even know how to act.

So that's where I am at. I am still skeptical about really being in the 50's. We'll give it another week and see what happens.