Lost

I just wanted to make a note about head space. It doesn't take much to distract me, but I'm typically pretty decent about getting back on task. When something big hits, however, I find myself completely lost in my head. I may look productive like I'm moving around and doing things, but in reality I probably have no idea what I'm doing or why. I feel like I've spent a lot of time like that lately. People outside of my head look at the situation objectively and say, hey, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter, though, how many people say it or how many times people say it. I'm still lost.
And it doesn't take 2 or 3 hours to work me into a frenzy, it can happen in an instant. Sometimes it takes me hours to collect myself once that happens.

I think I'm lucky in that most of the time when that happens, I find something productive to do like vacuuming or washing dishes. Or smoke. A lot. I won't deny that there are times I end up snacking (or more accurately gorging), but for the majority of my lost-ness I spend my time moving or cleaning things. I completely understand how people can get stressed out and eat bags of potato chips and gallons of ice cream. And I'm sure when they get to gallon 1 or gallon 2, they finally have to stop because they are going to be sick. Truth be told I feel the same way once I figure out I am lost. I'll find myself vacuuming something and think, this is insane. I have to stop. I can't do this anymore. After a few forceful self-interventions I can usually snap out of it. That doesn't mean I won't feel like I've been jumping off the high dive head first onto an anvil, it just means I will stop climbing up the ladder and instead sit around holding my head.

Maybe the discipline it takes to change eating habits will help with some of the head games. I just had to use this picture because, a) it's a lady with a dog in her ass, b) the dog looks like my dog, and c) everyone else can see the dog, just not her. A & B are funny, and C relates pretty directly to me.