Falling

The numbers keep falling, imperceptibly slow. This morning I weighed 156.7. This is the first the numbers have fallen below 157. I wish I had continued weight loss this summer, but I can't pretend to feel badly about it when I know I didn't work out or eat in a particularly conscientious matter.

This Thursday I went to a Zumba class that used to maintain anywhere from 80-120 people -- familiar faces that came week after week.
This week it was down to 18. I know that there have been cancellations due to the extremely hot weather in interest of safety, but I find it disheartening that so many have stopped coming. I don't want to judge anyone else's commitment. It's selfish that I want them there -- they are the laughing, smiling faces that indirectly held me accountable for going consistently. They are the onces that complimented my booty roll and noticed my absence. Their absence, ironically, is probably one of the few small things that keeps me going. I don't want to attribute my failure to them. I started going to Zumba back in October of 2009 and have gone at least once a week, every week, since then only missing on occasion due to sickness.
I am sad to say I've missed a number of weeks this summer due to poverty and sickness, but I am still committed to going. Without it I wouldn't have lost 35 pounds.

That doesn't mean it's not frustrating to think that it is now taking me weeks to lose weight I so easily shed in the beginning. I am supposed to celebrate success, however small, right?

I am going to make waffles tomorrow.

Miracle of Miracles: Cheap Weight Loss!

Miracle of miracles! I have lost more weight. So much weight, in fact, that when people see me they say, "YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD" and "HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT."

Ah yes. The last time I wrote I weighed in at 159.7. Now brace yourselves. This morning when I weighed myself, I weighed: 158.5. I will give you a minute to regain your composure.

One month = one pound? I hope this isn't the continuing trend. In all fairness I haven't been going to Zumba 3 times a week. Lately I've been lucky to get there once a week.

I killed a pair of shoes I usually wear to exercise. May they rest in peace. Being broke doesn't help matters. Do I spend my money on a new pair of shoes? Or do I spend it exercising?
I can't complain about the cost of Zumba - in bigger cities, it costs $15 a class or more. $4 or $5 isn't a fortune. But when you have $0, it doesn't matter how cheap it is.

I would be lying if I said I haven't gotten a little apathetic. Working out 2x a week (I am counting housework/swimming here) to only lose 1 pound in a month is a little disheartening. I am still doing it, I'm just not overly enthusiastic.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more exciting to report. In less than 3 weeks I'll be back to work and then I'll see how much fun it will be to try to maintain this weight loss. I am excited to buy some new, smaller sized clothes. I just need to figure out how to do that with no money. For now, I'm wearing the emperor's new clothes.

Breaking into the '50s.

Just wanted to write a note about breaking into the '50's. And I'm not talking about poodle skirts.

On Saturday when I weighed myself, I weighed 159.7lbs. I figured that was in error, but today I weighed the same.

I feel ecstatic, but desperate. It makes me think "I HAVE TO STAY IN THE 50's". In my mind this was the most realistically achievable goal. Do I really believe I will make it down into the 140 range? No. I just don't think my body will cooperate with me on that one. Am I still going to try? Yes. If for no other reason than to stay in the 150 range.

I just don't want to go back up. I don't care if I keep going down. At one point I was absolutely resigned to staying at 160. Hey, if that was as good as it got, that was as good as it got.

I have missed almost 2 weeks of working out. It's not deliberate and it's not laziness, I was just out of town. On my lengthy road trip all I ate was junk. I really didn't eat much of anything to be honest. Cereal, crackers, cheddar cheese and some Waffle House. There, I said it, Waffle House.
Imagine my shock then at being 159 after the trip.

I want to go to Zumba tomorrow night and hopefully Thursday.

The other factor to consider is that I am off work for the summer. It is not good for me to spend lots of time alone. It is not good to be broke. I spend the majority of my time then agonizing about being broke, not wanting to be fat, not eating, and the amazing amount of stuff I have to do. I want to clean, I want to de-clutter, I want to organize. When faced with all of that exercising seems a low priority. And yet without exercise I have had a very difficult time focusing. Sunday night I was crying because I was so tense. This is not me. I am not a crier.

At this point I have lost 32.7 pounds. It seems impossible. I am in a size 10 now. I feel like I don't even know how to act.

So that's where I am at. I am still skeptical about really being in the 50's. We'll give it another week and see what happens.

point 1

This week, the scale said 160. Point 1. 160.1.

I love it. Just haaaaave to stick that point 1 in there.

My sort of goal is to be 160 or 159 by June 1. Will I be? I don't know.

Ultimately I want to be 142 again. This is what the doctor says I should weigh. This is also what I weighed when I was in the best shape of my life.
Before I went to college I worked in a factory. I weighed 136 pounds when I started there. When I went to have my physical before college, I weighed 142. I was actually much thinner at 142 than I was at 136 (and yes these weights were both from the same scale).

I weighed 158 in 2005 when I found out I was pregnant. I am now 2 pounds away from that point where I was pre-baby 5 years ago. Of course I have been back and forth in the years in between -- from 153 all the way up to 192.

This is the first I've exercised consistently in my life (apart from many years ago when I was an active equestrian. AHEM. Debu-chan). I have been going at least once a week for 8 months to Zumba and sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. Right now my husband is knocking me back from 3x a week to 2x a week so he will have time at night to get stuff done. Who knows how that will work out over the summer.

I am surprised that I continue to lose despite my job feeding me every day. It's not that they feed me bad food, but that I tend to eat more if it is prepared for me than I do if I prepare it myself. I am however able to stop myself if the cook dishes out a portion. This woman's ladle is the size of a 5 gallon bucket. I swear it!

I am at the point where people are telling me I look like I have lost weight. I mean random, unsolicited people are telling me that I look like I have lost weight. It is shocking every time I hear it. There is finally a visible difference.

The only thing making me nervous is the amount of free time I will have to myself this summer with having the next few weeks off work. My last official day is Wednesday. That is the day where I jump off the diving board into the sea of the great fat unknown.

Believe it

Yesterday morning I got on the scale.

It said 164.0.

I'm sorry, you may not have heard that.

IT SAID 164.0

Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

Am I still fat? Yes. No revelation there. (I started this post over a month ago... read on)

This morning I weighed 169.1. With regard to being fat or not (still), I have to gloat for a minute. Near where I live, there is a county-wide weight loss competition. I am on a team with three other awesome girls. There are about 500 people participating in this event divided up into 66 teams. Our team is in the lead. We have lost 3.86 percent of our body weight. I hope the lard in my arse doesn't let them down and I hope we win that competition. We go to Zumba together and try to go to the weekly presentations. How awesome is that? In other news, I ditched the 8 hour per week "job."

So. To finish this thought. Now that it is almost May. AHEM.

While our group didn't end up winning, we did finish in 3rd place. Pretty awesome for 4 people who weren't psychotically dieting and using diuretics and laxatives to cheat. We just worked out and tried to eat responsibly. It ended 3 weeks ago and I still weigh 167 pounds.

There is not enough I can say about my new job. It is fantastic. I love it. They are good to me. They pay is fair and the hours are great, and I have summers off. And, there is a cafeteria so I don't have to make or even buy any food.

Just a few problems.

Have I mentioned the job is great?
It is. I'm not super-stressed out, or bored. So I don't feel like working out. Or doing much of anything.
Have I mentioned the cafeteria?
I am pretty lazy. If I have to make my own food or go get food (in the limited amount of time allotted for a work-lunch) I either won't go get any or I will only make a little bit - whatever requires the least bit of effort. But.
There is a cafeteria. The food is pretty good. And when I go for "leftovers" (clients eat before staff) I can serve myself whatever I want.

You might as well give me a backhoe to scoop up the food.
It's instant gratification. I walk in, I smell it, grab a bowl or plate and fill it to overflowing. And voila, lunch. I have enough time to eat all of that, and then if I feel like more get even more.
If I had to make myself ramen noodles or something, in the time it would take me to make and eat 1, I wouldn't have enough time left to make another if I wanted it. It balances out.

The bad thing about the job is I have to wear civilized clothes. Of which I have few. I am in between sizes and everything I wear either makes me look like a hotdog in the microwave about to explode or a highschooler dressing up in her mother's clothes as a joke.

I am not gaining left and right. I go up 1/2 pound or 1 pound, then back. Up. Back.
I've just felt the slow inevitable comfort setting in and complacency abounds. I've had to really drag myself to Zumba. It's easier to tell myself that I'm too busy or too tired or I'll go tomorrow. I haven't missed a lot. But that thought is already in my brain. "It's ok."

We also got a Wii. It's pretty fun. I'm not obsessed or skipping meals/shower/sleep to play it, but it is fun. The premise of the whole Wii thing was to get a Wii fit. But because everyone in the entire universe took their tax refund and bought a Wii, and then a back-up Wii in case the 1st one broke, there were no Wii-fits available.
So, a month later, and we still don't have a Wii-fit.
We do, however, have Wii and watch Netflix streaming on it. So I think that counteracts any benefit from Wii-related physical activities.

At any rate, I don't think I'm any further ahead or any further behind. I'm still here.
We'll see what happens when summer rolls around and I have nothing to do and all day to do it. Plus, we're getting a pool. Time to start moo-moo shopping now before they are all picked over.

Waffle Kryptonite

I told Debu-chan this must be what it is like to be possessed by the devil.

This morning when I woke up I was starving for waffles. It was a sub-conscious thing. Before I could put my feet on the floor or get dressed, I was starving for waffles. I knew I was going to make them - there wasn't even a question in my mind.

It is like those movies were people are programmed to do something and they receive a subliminal message through tv an BOOM, they turn into robots following every command.

WAFFLES.

I felt like a zombie chanting, brains, brains, and methodically weighed myself, got dressed and went to the kitchen.

The scale said 169.8 this morning. This has to be the first time I have stayed under 170 for more than 2 consecutive days. Did the scale cause me to waffle? No.

4 cups of Bisquick, 4 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 eggs and 2 1/2 cups of milk later (yes I made a double-batch) and I was in waffle world.
I'm not sure you understand how I feel about waffles.
I am not the kind of person that would ever invest my time or money in climbing Mt. Everest or bungee jumping. I just don't have the initiative or the drive to engage in such things that are so far outside day to day routines.
However - tell me there is a buffet with the best waffles at the top, and I'll be there. You're not sure if the bungee strap will hold? Doesn't matter. Are there waffles at the bottom? Hook me up.

I don't want your run of the mill Belgium waffles you get at crappy diners. I want flat, square waffles fresh off the waffle iron. Most times I don't even eat waffles with anything on them. Just fresh hot off the iron. If it's barely cool enough to touch, you bet it is warm enough to eat. I can't tell you how many waffles I eat before I'm done cooking. I don't care. I would probably stick-up an old lady if it meant waffles.

Just because I don't eat waffles with anything on them most of the time doesn't mean I WON'T eat waffles with a topping. On the contrary. What do you want me to eat on waffles? Fruit? Jelly? Syrup? Fruit syrup? Butter? Cinnamon and sugar? What about gravy? Gravy and chicken? Stuffing? Mashed potatoes? Are you daring me? I'll do it.

I am pretty sure I would pass up free caviar and champagne for a $100 waffle. It is a serious problem. I think it started yesterday when I was hungry for something for lunch and decided to make pancakes (just add water) instead of going to the trouble of making a salad. I think a few pancake batter molecules became airborne and crossed the blood-brain barrier, therefore inspiring my current waffle obsession.

So this morning we have established that my scale is defenseless against my waffle problem. Waffles are truly my kryptonite. Yes I may weigh 170+ tomorrow, but I can't be held responsible. It was the waffle.

Shock and Awe.

I Zumbaed for 2 hours straight last night.

Today when I stepped on the scale, it didn't say 169 anymore.

It said 168.8.

I must be doing something wrong.

February success?

I really wanted to be in the 160's by ______ (insert name of month here). Tuesday the scale said 170.4. Yesterday was March 3 and when I stepped on the scale it said 169.8. I am pretty sure it laughed maniacally, too.

This morning it said 170.1.

Last night Debu-chan and I were discussing the mental aspect of weight loss, the defeatist attitude that easily and frequently takes over. These thoughts include such pearls as:
- "I will do better tomorrow"
- "what's the point"
- "we're all going to die anyhow"
- "I'll have stretch marks whether I am skinny or not"
- "No one will notice if I lose weight"
- "If I lose weight I will still look like a slob in these clothes"
- "I will exercise tomorrow"
- "I'm still hungry for X"
- "It's stupid to work out only to lose .5 pounds or gain 1.5 pounds"
- "Am I really going to work out/eat healthy for the rest of my life??!"

One of the experiences I related was the difficulty I have with the times at which I eat, the amount of food I consume, and the nature of that food.
I tend to be hungry (ok, obsess) over one particular thing, such as spaghetti.
Then I tell myself, "I want another plate, but I won't eat it now. If I wait 30 minutes and I'm still hungry, then I will eat it." In the mean time I am so starving that I end up gorging on a bunch of things once the 30 minute mark arrives.

There are lots of similar mind games. The bottom line is, I want to be happy. Maybe being healthy doesn't contribute to that as much as I thought it would. I was sick of weighing 190 pounds. I'm down now to 170 (it looks like I'll never get under that!). I'm glad I lost 20 pounds. Do I think I am capable of losing 20 more? Absolutely.

Do I think I will adhere to the lifestyle changes that cause weight loss? I don't know. I honestly don't know.

30 Calories a day

This article in a New York Times blog alleges that you can gain 2-3 pounds a year by eating just 30 more calories a day than you burn.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/stand-up-while-you-read-this/?emc=eta1

The article itself is about the dangers of sitting and that even if you exercise regularly if you sit for long periods you are still at risk for heart disease, obesity, etc.

I want you to think about that though, especially if you are reading from America (sorry Debu-Chan) - land of the fattest food in the world and also the most expensive health food in the world.

30 calories a day. What is 30 calories? Think, a soda is about 100 calories for 12 ounces. Do you burn every calorie you eat?

How much time do you sit a day? You're probably sitting down now. I know I am. I was at Zumba for 2 hours tonight. Will that matter? Make a difference in my risk factors?

What happened to good old fashioned weight loss?

If you need another reason to scratch your head, check out this article.
http://www.neatorama.com/2010/02/25/strange-weight-loss-procedure-tongue-patch-that-makes-it-painful-to-eat/

It alleges that people lose on average 20 pounds a month after enduring a postage stamp sized piece of polyester affixed to their tongue with stitches.
A PIECE OF POLYESTER SEWN TO THEIR TONGUES?!
It makes it painful to eat, reducing people to a liquid diet.

I'm sorry. SEWN. ONTO. TONGUE.

I can't decide if this is more or less ridiculous than having your mouth wired shut, having a lap band or gastric bypass, or jumping off of a bridge.

I don't mean to imply that bypass is ridiculous. But it amounts to a surgical measure to reduce weight loss. I guess the difference is that with gastric bypass you still have the option to eat food but you have to do it in moderate portions. With the tongue surgery, which is temporary, you have to drink liquid. Realistically the only people on liquid diets for their entire lives are those who have feeding tubes. I'm excluding alcoholics here.

How successful do you think people are in maintaining this 20 pound weight loss? I am skeptical.

Whatever happened to old fashioned diet and exercise? I am fat and lazy. I lost weight doing NO exercise, just trying to be fairly reasonable about what I was eating. When I started exercising -- and this was only 2 or 3 days at most -- I lost more weight. Yes I have bitched and whined every step of the way about not losing fast enough but I didn't regain 20 pounds either.

I hope that at some point society will say, "Enough!" and just submit to the fact that diet and exercise are the most consistently proven ways to lose weight. I am tired of the pills and the shakes and the bars and the cleanses and weirdo thigh-zer-scizers.
I'm tired not only because they are rip-offs and some of them are downright dangerous, but also because I think that people who are attempting diet and exercise are even more likely to fall for these scams and forego real progress at altering life habits.

What is the likelihood that you will eat food every day for the rest of your life? Pretty high. And the likelihood that you are going to drink Slim Fast for the next 40 years? Small. That's my assumption anyhow. Why not save your money and frustration and invest your time, money, and energy in forming sustainable habits?

I mean, if there was a magic butt-fat-shrinking pill, don't you think I would have found it by now?!!

Speaking of my butt-fat, I'm going to Zumba. I now weigh 171 fricking pounds. If I find a pill, I will let you know.

Can it be true?

Today, I woke up after enduring a grueling Zumba workout last night.

The scale read 169.1.

Can it be????

I don't know if I fully believe it.
I'll try again tomorrow. Until then I am skeptical.

20

Today when I weighed myself I weighed 171.6.

Or, the scale is broken and there is no way that my true weight is 171.6.

Let's say for a minute it is true -- that means I have finally reached the 20-pounds-lost mark. To be exact, I've lost 20.8 pounds. If you consider I've been really working on it since September, I have lost about 4 pounds a month.

I am still eager to be down into the 160s. Eager eager eager. I have been maintaining working out twice a week and hope to increase that to three times a week. Still eating somewhat healthy.

However, I did eat 4 pieces of pizza on Sunday. Pizza Hut pizza. Meat-lovers style.
9. Points. Each.

Don't ask me how I lost weight. See why I think the scale is broken?!
Oh, and would it be ironic to celebrate weight loss with cake?

I think a layer cake would be most appropriate as I am shedding layers of fat, no?
I mean, "whipped" icing is healthy, right?

172!!!! WOOOOHOO.

I weigh 172!!! Awesome.

Oh. Wait. 172.9.
Nothing worth getting excited over.

Time to go back to Zumba.
Oh, and I'm not buying any Zumba merchandise unless they can prove it will make me skinnier.

Fail-bruary.

Happy February folks. Six more weeks of winter. And for me, fatness.

At the beginning of my fat-losing extravaganza, I weighed 192. By January 1, I was down to 173.

It's February 2, and I am 173. FAIL.

I need to be honest and write it down. I don't want to start gaining like crazy again, but stalling like this makes me want to be lax about my commitment to exercising and continued weight loss. It's not like I'm getting skinnier without losing weight. My clothes still fit the same. There isn't much more to say about the matter.

I haven't been: drinking regular soda, not-exercising, eating out/getting take-out like crazy, eating constantly.
I also haven't been: working more than 12 hours a week.

My worry is that the lack of work, the stress from lack of work, and the lack of progress on weight gain is going to lead to me not continuing my workout regimen. I'm committing at this point to Zumba twice a week, which my husband agrees we should be able to afford. If I have any hope of even staying 173 at this point (and not gaining any back) I need to continue regular exercise.

I don't want to give up the progress I have made thus far. I wish I had something funny to add. For now you're just going to have to settle for the picture of the shirt.

Gratuitous self-esteem boosting.

http://comixed.com/2010/01/23/comics-comic-strip-yonkoma-a-historical-dialectic/

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Before I get rolling on my own soapbox on wheels, just a few shoutouts to my fellow fat Bloggers.

First of all, Debu-Chan. I want to thank you for coming right out and saying (and I'm paraphrasing, poorly) "some of us are fat, some of us aren't. If you are one of the ones who are not, kindly be polite and STFU about 'beeeeeing faaaat' around those of us who are.

Second of all, I bow down to the gutsiness of Witchy.
This week, she let it all hang out. That's right, she posted a picture. And not just a ballsy, "This is what I look like now" picture, but also a "this is what I used to / want to look like" picture.

Those are the kind of pictures I can't hack. Personally. My own pictures. When I look at a picture and all I see is double, double, double chin and no visible jaw line, I want to cry. I used to have collarbones that looked beautiful underneath a choker. I used to have a butt and a back and a stomach that didn't send me into a panic if a quarter inch of skin was visible to the general public. Now I would rather wear mom-jeans than reveal a smidge of my muffin top. The Pillsbury Dough Boy is pasty white and doughy-fat, and cute. Me? Not so much of the cute part there.

These shoutouts are indirect thankyous. So many times people beat around the bush. "I need to lose weight." "I hate how I look." "I need to exercise more." "I overeat." I think those are polite but generic ways of acknowledging something mildly annoying.
What is really true in most cases are super-heightened senses of pissed-off-ed-ness or anger or desperation.
When they say, "I need to lose weight," that really means, "I can't effing stand feeling fat and disgusting," and "I can't believe I've been this fat for this long."
When they say, "I hate how I look," they really mean, "I hate how I look dressed, naked, in the dark, in the light, under fluorescent lights, in a full length mirror, in a compact mirror..."
When they say, "I overeat," they say, "I am embarassed that I eat like a starved slaughterhouse hog."

At least, that's what I mean when I say the socially acceptable hackneyed phrases. Looking in a full-length mirror in a stage of undress makes me border on nervous breakdown. Looking at new pictures and trying to edit out my cleavage line (no lie) and seeing my face hiding under layers of fat. I sort of had cheekbones and a jaw line. Now I have a blob with crows feet.

So in my case, I need to be honest. It is 11:30, I didn't exercise tonight, and I am about to eat my 2nd plate of spaghetti as a late-night snack. I ate 2 plates of spaghetti, a peanut butter sandwich, and a bowl of soup earlier.



I am frustrated. I can't afford to go work out 3 times this week. I am hoping my check posts early so I can at least do it once this week. I am only working 8-12 hours a week at work. I am stressed out over the gross loss of pay and wondering how we will pay bills, how I will afford gas -- let alone gas for exercise and money for classes. I am with my son a considerable amount more, which is sometimes taxing but not so much. However, now that I am already stressed over the income situation, and I am at home more, I am stressed by his exuberance and constant demand for attention. Exercise is a great time for me to get away from my house 2 hours, burn some calories, but more importantly burn off all the anxious energy I amass over such a short period of time. Stress + less money + more time at home + less time alone + less exercise + more stress at home = eat, eat, eat.

I am hoping this is a temporary thing, that I will find an additional (or a new!) job. I am down to 174 pounds and holding steady. I don't want to lose the ground I've gained this far. I do want to continue to exercise, somehow.
I am going to take some new pictures to update from the last picture I posted.

But for now, spaghetti is calling me.

Goal Adjustment

Hello there oh fans of my pudge and happy new years. I finally figured out how much I weigh. I got a new scale a few weeks ago and discovered I actually was 177 pounds.
My secret goal was to be either 170 or *gasp* 169 by the new year.

Today is January 1st and no, I'm not quite at the 169 mark, but I haven't done too shabbily.

I am currently around 172 or 173, which means that all told I have lost about 20 pounds. I started tracking my food intake and weight on August 30th. At that point I weighed 192.4 pounds. In 4 months, I have lost 20 pounds. That means I have lost and steadily maintained my loss of just over 1 pound a week.

My husband's progress hasn't been as steady or consistent. He was 310 pounds when he started and had dropped about 20 pounds by the beginning of December, but he claims he has gained some since the onset of the holiday season. Regardless, this is the first he has been less than 300 pounds in many years.

I want to have a better attitude. I was just confessing to Witchy that I allow my time on the scale to depress me every day. It seems my attitude is either, "I lost weight, but a disappointing amount," or, "I haven't lost any weight at all." Instead, my attitude should be more like, "Thank gosh it's remaining steady," or "Holy Twinky, I haven't gained anything."
I would like to get to the point where I only weigh myself once a week.

My new weight loss goal is to get down to 170 pounds by the end of January. I think I can do it. Long term I would be pleased with 160, ecstatic with 150, and if I reached 140 the blog would end because I would have died from sheer fatass shock.


I would also like to improve upon my water intake. Right now I'm not necessarily looking to change my diet anymore - I just want to maintain my food intake with the point be to eat in moderation.

This year I don't want to have the attitude, "EVERYTHING NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW." I want to approach it from a more realistic standpoint of "I am doing X well, how can I maintain or improve upon this progress." I also need to work on adjusting my mental body image. In my brain, I think that I weigh what I did in college. The reality is, I was 142 pounds when I went to college, and I wasn't that when I left. Before I got pregnant I was 158 pounds. Realistically, I am almost 29, I have been out of college for almost 6 years, and I have had a child by c-section. My body does NOT look like what it did then, and it will likely never look like that again. I have grey hair, I have wrinkles, I have stretch marks albeit they've faded, and the weight on my body is distributed in different ways. Right now my goal should be to become healthy and maintain a healthy body weight. It isn't realistic to think I will be back in miniskirts. Ever. Again.

I want to maintain my exercise regimen of at least 2 zumba classes a week and hope to add walking or biking as the weather improves. I don't know that zumba will get me in Miss Universe shape but I do feel like it improves my attitude in terms of anxious eating and it kills time. My child will soon be at the age where it is able to ride a bike and hopefully we can take it with us to the park and make a lap or two before going to the playground.

I haven't been tracking my points but I feel like that contributes to food obsession, and I don't need to think about food more at this point.

My birthday is approaching, I will be 29. If you want to get me a present, I want sweatpants with an elastic waistband and a $100 gift card to Red Lobster.
Hey, I can start over in February. Until then cellulite cheerleaders, have a happy new year.